Hey guys. I thought it was about time I focused a blog on mum life and how crazy it is becoming a mum for the first time! Being a young mum is often talked about as being a bad thing and of course, thats not always the case. Sometimes people plan to have children from a young age and just as anyone can be, young people are surprised with pregnancies. When someone who is young falls pregnant, the first question they are often asked is 'was it planned?'. To anyone that has been asked this in the past, I hope you replied with 'Its none of your business'. You shouldn't have to explain the reasons or story behind falling pregnant because you are younger that some people when they have their children. The other common misconception is that if you fall pregnant young, it's because you haven’t been using contraception. This will be true in some cases for sure but its common for all ages. I myself have fallen pregnant whilst taking the pill twice. I never missed a pill and both pills were different. No forms of contraception are 100% effective. For me personally, the assumptions people made about my pregnancies are a super tough thing to deal with. Feeling judged is a horrible feeling at any time but young parents is something that, for some reason, society still isn’t okay with. I want to share the story of my first pregnancy and the start of my journey in motherhood in the hope a young person who might be expecting can read it and see that although there are downsides, its also the most amazing feeling.
I was 19 when I fell pregnant with Lyra and it was definitely a surprise haha! As said above I was taking the pill at the time. Charli and I had been together for about 18 months when we found out. We were living with his Mum and Dad at the time and honestly as i'm pretty sure is expected, I was terrified. Looking at the bigger picture, although we were living together we hadn't been together for very long and we knew how drastically things were about to change for us. We were very lucky to have super supportive parents who were both very excited and very realistic about the situation. We had just spent our first year together, enjoying it and taking things on as they came our way. We went on two amazing holidays, our holiday to Mexico for Charli's 21st birthday was one of dreams. We ticked things off our bucket list on that holiday. We made the most of the year we had, not knowing how different the next would be. Both of us worked full time and we had already started saving together to eventually move out on our own. Anyone who has done this knows how tough it can be. Not to mention how expensive hahah! We deffo were not in a position to move put at this point and I think in some ways that was just as scary as the thought of having a baby.
My pregnancy was far from easy (I know most aren't lol). I had dreadful morning sickness from the very start all the way up until 16 weeks. I ended up getting a prescription of some tablets to reduce it! The first trimester is very tough, you are always tired, always feeling sick and you can't feel your baby in there. This made it pretty hard to keep secret until 12 weeks. There are a lot of risks associated with early pregnancy and thats why people will usually wait until they have had their first scan at around 12 weeks before they announce they are expecting. I have a very big family and we had already shared the news with those closest to us. starting with my big sister Rachel because at the time we were planning her wedding, where I was a bridesmaid! 'No Rachel I wont be trying on that dress to see what size I will need because actually I'm going to have a baby' It went down pretty well to be honest. Telling people is the scary part because of the judgment I spoke about earlier. I was super scared about telling my parents and looking back, I don't know why. They were both young when they had their first baby, and were incredibly supportive of us from the start. Charli's mum and dad were also, amazing. They were very excited and were able to help us see the next steps we needed to take to get ourselves moving and start getting prepared for the craziness that was about to come. As we went along and told more family, we were delighted at the response. I had a tough time with some family members that unfortunately weren't as happy for us as i would have liked, but you soon realise that you don't need their approval. It is about what you choose to do for your family that is important and with all the additional support we had, it was easy to look past the negatives. Focus on the people that are happy for you and are happy for you do just keep doing what makes you happy. Thats in any situation in your life, not just a pregnancy. Surround yourself with a good and strong network that you can be yourself around. It took falling pregnant for me to learn that, but you don't need to keep people in your life if they are having negative affect on you and making you feel like you cant be happy about things you've achieved.
Second trimester was so much fun for me. I started feeling kicks later that some, about 22 weeks but its much more common to feel them later in your first pregnancy. The second trimester actually starts at 13 weeks. The pregnancy of course lasts for 9 months and its split into three stages. A very big part of the second trimester for most people, is the 20 week scan. This is the scan that you can find out the sex of the baby. you can have private scans and pay to find out earlier, but as a standard you would wait until 20 weeks to find out if baby is pink or blue. I managed to convince Charli that we wouldn't find out and to have a surprise and I'm honestly so happy we didn't know. My bump at this point was referred to as 'Muffin' and although I was pregnant through the summer and hating the heat even more than I usually do. I was working full time and really enjoying being pregnant. I carried all in the front and if you looked at me from behind you wouldn't have known I was pregnant hahah! I was craving sausage rolls and vinegar at this point and so most people were convinced I was having a boy. I has extra scans through my pregnancy as I was considered a high risk. My mum had preeclampsia with her first and because it can run in the family I had additional scans as a precaution. Preeclampsia affects the growth of a foetus so monitoring more regularly means they can keep track of any changes.
Into the final stretch of the pregnancy with the third trimester and this is where things start feeling real. We had everything planned and ready to move into a little flat before baby arrived but we still had a few weeks to go. I found out at the very start of my pregnancy that I was going to be made redundant. I was a contractor at the time and so I wouldn't have been entitled to a pay out. I was able to get statutory maternity pay but in the UK at the time that was about £140 a week and so I wanted to continue working for as long as I could. I ended up going on leave at about 36 weeks because my blood pressure was on the up and my Midwife thought it was best for me to get as much rest as I could. We moved into our flat on 1st August '17 and i went on mat leave on the 14th. I was due on 4th September so this gave me a few weeks to nest a little and try to prepare for Muffin to arrive. The third trimester is just as tiring as the first. I was suffering a little with SPD which is pain in your pelvis and legs and to top it all off my morning sickness came back for the last three weeks as an extra treat. Sleep seemed like i would never happen again but thank god I started getting used to a lack of sleep before the baby came haha.
Just to add a little side not that in the middle of all this, I got to enjoy the most amazing baby shower. My sister and a few of my best girls organised a surprise for me and got all of my closest friends and family together for the cutest afternoon tea. We ate, played games, We were so spoilt with presents and the day was so overwhelmingly wonderful. I wanted to share with you guys my favourite part of the baby shower so you can steal the idea hahah! My sister has always loved books and reading, as do I. So instead of everyone brining a card, the guests were asked to bring a book for Muffin.On the inside cover, they each wrote
a note or message. Basically what they would have put into a card. Now we have a shelf on our bookcase with all the books we were gifted and each has a note so we can read them every time we read the book. It's a wonderful idea. Cards are so lovely but they get lost more easily and don't keep very well over time. If you are quite sentimental like me, then this is definitely a better way to keep those messages and memories from your loved ones.
Now where was I? Counting down to Muffins arrival. I will fast forward past all the nesting, washing baby clothes and rearranging the cuddly toys in the second bedroom for the fourth time that day. That bring us to about the 1st of September. I was super close to my due date and getting pretty fed up of being pregnant. It's magical... but its hard bloody work. I started trying all those crazy old wives tales to get thing moving fast and none of them helped. On my due date which was 4th Sept, I started feeling a little odd and realised i hadn't felt any kicks for a little while. Your baby will usually get into a pattern of when it's awake and asleep, and it moves more and less at certain times of the day. Anything that is out of routine for you should be checked out. First step is to call ADAU which is the anti natal day assessment ward and they will give you some advice based on what you tell them. I ended up trying a few different things but still nothing. because of that, they asked me to go in so they could monitor the baby directly. It was getting late so i actually went onto the labour ward to be checked out and as soon as they put the cold jelly on my belly to get the pads on, Muffin was wriggling as if nothing had even happened hahah! Typical. As it was my due date and there were no signs of labour any time soon, i was a little cheeky and managed to get the midwife to give me a stretch and sweep (It was horrible, I don't know what i was thinking' but it worked lol) I started having contractions the next afternoon.
My labour in general was pretty quick, there is a big different between labour and active labour and I did not know that at the time. I had a little pethidine to help me through my contractions early on because I was in non active labour for a while and I was getting so tired. Looking back it all becomes a little bit of a blur for me. the entire experience is so surreal and you are so stuck in that moment. Before you go into labour they tell you to create a birthing plan but i'm pretty sure it just goes out the window. I would deffo say to make sure you look into all types of pain relief so you know what you are saying yes and no to when the time comes. I didn't have any other pain relief the first time round but its because I didn't feel like i needed to ask for it. You know your body and what you can handle. There are lots of different things so make sure you know what you would like and what you wouldn't be happy with because you will not be in a fit state to change your mind hahaha. I will come back to points like this when I'm finished my little story.
4.22 AM, 07.09.17 She had arrived. Weighing 6lbs 4oz. Lyra Kayleigh Alice Barber. She was a perfect little bundle. I cannot think of anything that even comes close to the feeling of your baby being placed onto your chest for the first time. I just remember crying and looking at Charli and then crying some more. It's when I truly felt like a Mumma for the first time.
Unfortunately it wasn't that simple for us. My placenta got stuck and ended up losing a lot of blood. Luckily I didn't have to be taken to theatre for it to be removed but I did have to have a blood transfusion and a pretty big one at that. I received 3 units of blood which is about 1.5 litres! The first day was really tough, we of course stayed in the hospital but I physically couldn't get out of bed. My blood pressure was super low but my heart rate was so high which basically meant if I tried to stand up, I would pass out. Charli took it like an absolute champ. He had never changed a nappy before and I was trying to explain it to him whilst he was stood at the other end of the room with Lyra. He totally nailed it. Finally on the Friday evening we were allowed to go home! We had some visits from the parents and my eldest sister whilst we were still in hospital and we were super ready to head home and start figuring out how to be parents.
One final side note about how incredible Charli was throughout the whole pregnancy and labour. The labour especially. There is a lot I don't remember due to being so tired i think but he remembers everything so clearly. It must have been quite traumatic for him to see me in such a scary situation and to have to take the first few hours with Lyra on his own. I know its a cliche but I honestly couldn't have done it without him there.
So I guess thats kind of the end of my story in a way haha. She is 2 and a half now and the sassiest little thing i've ever met. She is so clever, such a character and we love her so much. I wanted this blog to be something a young parent or someone who was expecting to read and take things from this. I know I have rambled on a little but in some ways I'm glad. I haven't had to focus on anything specifically being a young mum because I have done everything I wanted to do. We had a baby girl, when we hadn't been together for very long and we were both young. Now, we have a mortgage and another baby. Being young didn't change a thing for us. If I hadn't fallen pregnant when I did then maybe we would have done things in a slightly different order but looking back I wouldn't change anything.
I do wish I was brave enough to ask more questions, from speaking to the midwife to my friends and family there were always things I wasn't sure about. If you aren't sure about something, just ask. The reason you don't know is very unlikely to be because of your age. You soon realise that everyone is out there winging it too. Most people wouldn't have the knowledge they do about labour until they have been through it themselves. Pregnancies and child birth are so so different and people learn new things every day. Everyone has questions and everyone needs answers. Please don't feel like you cant ask. I am gonna add some little things below that no one ever really talks about and some of them might not be pretty hahah. Just know that, you have to find your own way as a parent and you shouldn't let others tell you the right and wrong way to do things. That doesn't mean ignore the advice people give you, but just remember the same things wont be right for everyone and sometimes trial and error is what it takes.
There is no 'perfect time' to have a baby. do what works for you. having a baby at 19 worked for me. but having a baby at 39 might work for someone else. Do what fits your situation and what makes you happy. If you are in a position to bring up a baby in a happy and safe environment, then focus on that and how you can make things work.
Have multiple name choices because believe me or not, the baby might not look like the name you pictured.
You have to push out the placenta after you have pushed out baby. (this sounds so dumb but so many people don't realise haha)
No one is prepped for a baby, you can read all the books you want but you're gonna be winging it.
You wont be discharged from hospital after birth until you can have a wee! (if you tear or graze, take a cup of water with you to the toilet and pour it over you whilst you wee, it super stings and sorry for the TMI but someone gave me this advice and thank god they did!)
Please don't be scared of breastfeeding. I want to do a separate vlog for this. It can be VERY tough but main pros are that its the most incredible bonding experience, it is free, and it helps you drop the baby weight!
Parenting is beyond tough, as I said above nothing can really prepare you. I am no expert but my main advice is to just take each day as something new. Cuddle them as often as they will let you, take photos of the smiliest parts but use the hard parts, the crying and the tantrums to learn from.
You are more than just a parent. I don't like wording it like that really but its true. A parent is the greatest thing i will ever be, but you can't lose yourself in the process. make time for yourself and your relationship. Babies make such an impact on a relationship and although things are so exciting, it is easy to loose sight and push your relationship to the back of the priority list. Be the strongest team you can be.
Sorry for the long read but if this helps just one person through their pregnancy then it was worth it. H x